Recently in conversation someone said how smart they thought I was and it took me aback, it surprised me because it’s never something I’ve really thought about myself. Not that I thought that I wasn’t really, it’s just not how I would describe myself. While I got decent grades in school and education is a huge part of my life, all of it has come with an enormous amount of studying and dedication to be able to retain, organize and understand what I am trying to learn. It doesn’t come easy for me and so in my mind I think I attributed that to not being necessarily smart.
Even here I am trying to justify it and so many of us do this! We do this with our appearance, our body image, our capacity for strength both inner and outer. At some point along the way we set a bar for our self and what we thought it meant to be pretty, in shape, outgoing/social, intelligent, an influencer or even a good parent or friend. In some cases, it hasn’t really been a big deal, hasn’t really stopped us. But in others it has literally changed the course of our life, or maybe even led to some seriously destructive behaviour.
In processing and moving through trauma, one of the most important things we need to observe within our self is a change in our belief system. That maybe what we have believed about our self is actually impeding us in the healing process. Often, this centers around feelings of not enough and then we have a long list of reasons, excuses, proof even as to why this is true. The more we feed this, the more we are held back. It’s time to change our perspective. This isn’t about ignoring our thoughts, or not processing but rather stepping away from the negative stories we have been telling our self.
Right now, pause take a big breath in and out. Bring to mind your closest friend and start to imagine yourself as they see you. What they value and admire in your friendship. If you aren’t sure than ask them! They will be more than happy to share all the amazing things they love about you – wouldn’t you do the same? Now step back and start to see yourself through their eyes.
What is that “not ______ enough” statement that rolls around in your head like a hamster on its wheel? Now what is that opposite of that statement. Start repeating that. You don’t have to believe it right now, but eventually over time the truth will set in and the truth is you are enough whatever the blank is in between – you are enough. Sometimes we just need to change the perspective.