Finding My Why

I found this in my writings from last year. In re-reading it, I’m loving its potency and that I feel exactly the same even though I was finally in the end able to craft out my “why” statement, on some days this feels a little more true. 

finding my why
Photo by: Laura Pedersen

For the last 8 weeks I’ve been working diligently towards finding my WHY. Finding this one statement that sums up my whole life behind and in front of me. The one statement and collection of words that will define who I am as a person and the direction in which I’m heading. The answer to all life’s burning questions, the light at the end of the tunnel, my raison d’être! However as with most paths to enlightenment, it feels the closer I get the further it slips away. I’ve read all the books, again. I’ve watched an enormous amount of TED talks, journaled and meditated and without question all of it has brought me back to myself. I’ve had a-ha moments, I’ve taken a few leaps of courage, closed and opened doors and re-secured my daily self-practices. I have landed on one word and have played with various concoctions for the end of the statement, but I wonder if maybe it is only the one word I need – empower. To empower, to be empowering.  Or perhaps, maybe it isn’t the word at all but a feeling? And maybe for someone who loves words, there is also a deep reverence that many things cannot be summed up by a single word. 

If we look at every language in the world, we will quickly see how so many ways of saying things just can’t be translated. And maybe in our humanistic, logical, everything needs a place and a compartment way, being able to sum it all up into a matter of words makes us just feel better. Like we tape it on our wall and check it off our list on our quest to the next big leap of finding ourself. What if my why changes every single day and with every different hat I wear of wife, daughter, sister, auntie, friend, teacher, writer, meditator, discoverer, questioner. What if my why incorporates so many concepts that I can’t decide? Community, connection, inspiration, adventure, learning, educating, love, freedom, fierce, calm, grounded. What if most of these words are a total paradox to each other? Perhaps I’m being a total cynic, or maybe just acting out in frustration. Maybe I will find my “why” and it will be the red carpet and lighted path I’ve been yearning for, or the perfect collection of words that define the meaning for me. 

Long before I knew there was such a thing as a “why” I knew there was a feeling. A deep, guttural feeling that when I pause and just sit in the experience of it, am fully present in it, I just know. I know without the words. It’s why I love Yoga, and dancing and I sit every day in meditation. It’s when I know that I am here to serve a greater purpose with the life I’ve been given. To make a difference in the world by carving out my own path outside of the status quo. To inspire those I meet along the way. To deeply love and care for the people in my world. To empower myself, to empower you. Empower what I’m not sure, just empower. To build up the fire within to live life on our terms in our own way, free of the judgment of ourselves or others. Just simply empower and wait to see what happens next. 

PS – Since then I have continued to build out my why, my mission and my values. You can read more here.